Joined: Apr 2007 Gender: Male Posts: 72 Location: In the Ghetto Karma: 3
Immersed In His Trappings of Luxury [Danni] « Thread Started on Nov 7, 2007, 8:30pm »
As the wobbling pen seemed to balance itself out on the bridge of his nose, his hands slowly removed themselves from his face and rested gently on his chest, his fingers interlocking. The balance of the pen was perfect; it had finally managed to obey his orders stay on his nose. After what seemed like hours of trying it stayed and he, for some strange reason, now felt at peace. Perhaps it was the abundance of concentration it took for him to get said pen to balance, or it might have been due to the fact that his mind had been running so haywire lately that he was glad he was finally able to lie down and rest. Of course though, rest was the one thing not coming to him. Eyes blurring and almost to the point of getting that irritating burning feeling, he blinked and tried to adjust his focus on something else and not the tips of the pen that hung just inches above his eyes. Heaving a sigh, he took notice of the sudden annoying feeling of sneezing. Oh dammit. He gave up on trying and found himself sneezing rather loudly, sitting up and the pen dropping off his nose and landing in his lap. Muttering a "dammit", he once again let out a sigh and picked up the pen from his lap. In what seemed to be a minuscule fit of rage, after eying the pen for a few seconds, he heaved the pen across the living room area of the apartment.
Logan watched as the pen hit a nearby wall and fall to the hardwood floor. This short lasted rage that had hurled the pen across the room was not brought on by his sneezing or his incapability of balancing said pen on the bridge of his nose, and Logan was quite aware of that, but that didn't mean he couldn't pretend. Sleep seemed to be hard to come by nowadays in the world of Logan Cale, which is the exact opposite of what he had wanted. Hell, he had nothing else to do, why not sleep? Apparently not though. Something didn't want him to sleep so, he obeyed and didn't, well, couldn't to be exact. Since sleeping was obviously out of the question and any kind of physical activity would mean Logan would have to actually move and do something, he did nothing. Sure, occasionally he roamed about his apartment and when he felt rather daring, the whole apartment building, but besides that, nothing was taking place in his world. His self esteem had dropped immensely and yet he continued to show no sympathy for himself, whatsoever. After all, his current condition was his own fault. Logan preferred to see it as, that he had never been socially, mentally, and physically active so what big difference was there now?
What ever happened to the short haired, clean shaved "new" Logan Cale? Ha. That stage was short lived. Clean shaved? Right now it looked as if Logan hadn't come in contact with a razor in weeks. Which is actually a lie. Just a few days ago he had made a plan to start shaving once again, and did for that one day, also a short lived plan. This kid needed more self confidence and probably some food, too. Yes, yes, we all know that our beloved Logan seems to be acting just a little bit pathetic, but it's in his nature to give up easily. He had grown up listening to his father teach him how to fight for what he wanted, but then again, he never listened to his father. Which is once again, his own fault. And I'm sure you'd all like to see a change from this meek and depressing Logan but, I apologize, I don't control him, I just write what he does and is doing. Anyway.
Shaking his head violently, his once short hair now a decent shaggy length, shook out of his eyes with the movements of his head. Logan rubbed his fingers over his closed eyes and exhaled deeply, "You're a pathetic bastard." He told himself with a small chuckle, shaking his head lightly. He grabbed his glasses from the end table behind his head and slid them into place on his face. Swinging his legs off of the couch, Logan rested them on the floor and looked around his apartment. His couch had been his new bed for the past weeks. Actually it had been his everything. His bed, his chair, his couch, his dinner table (when he decided to eat). Alright now, he was halfway there to standing up, he just needed to push himself up and there, he was standing. But, what if his legs had gotten use to the weightlessness of lying down all the time. Shaking his head, Logan pushed himself up and found himself, yes, standing. He stepped forward and found himself a little light headed, stumbling to the left as he stepped. After regaining his balance Logan just stood there. Now he was standing. A reason for standing seemed to escape him right now. Well then, he couldn't just sit back down after doing all this work of standing up.
"Ah fuck it!" His voice that he seemed as if he hadn't used it for awhile came out rather raucous and raspy, but loud and frustrated nonetheless. This was getting old and he knew it. Letting out a frustrating groaning sound, Logan sat himself back down on the couch. "You keep telling yourself you knew this was going to happen, so, why'd you bother doing it you genius?" Well, now he was talking to himself. That used to be a normal, daily thing but lately he seemed to be ignoring himself and not listening to what he had to say. It didn't really matter since all he said was repeated phrases from the day before. Things he had already heard but not bother answering or dealing with. Now sitting back on the couch, back in the same spot he had been yesterday, and the before that, and the day before that. He was a hermit. Locking himself inside his apartment, not even trying to make any contact with "the outside world". Well, if someone really wanted to talk to him, they'd come see him, there was no need for him to leave. He swung his legs back up onto the couch and rested his hands on his knees. "Sorry guys, false alarm, we're not going anywhere today. Next time, I'll make sure I have a reason before I use you guys again." Patting his knees, Logan gave a small smile and lied himself back down on the couch, crossing his arms behind his head as he did.
His eyes closed once again, hoping this time they would stay close and maybe he'd get some sleep. Logan doubted it but, still maybe. He thought it weird that the first thing that came to his mind when he lied down was, I can only imagine what my father would say if he saw me like this. In fact, he knew damn well what he would say. His father wasn't here, so why was he worried about what he'd say. I should be more worried about what she'd think. Well, if I'd be completely honest with myself, I'd say I am. These thoughts only seemed to worsen the on going feud between Logan and his mind. At times it was perfect, which seemed to be not quite as often as he liked. Other times, most of the time, he just wanted it to shut off. It was difficult to explain and he was rather glad he didn't have anyone he had to explain it to. And of course, why try to understand something, when you don't have to?
Re: Immersed In His Trappings of Luxury [Danni] « Reply #1 on Dec 11, 2007, 11:43am »
With her hand on the door knob, a million and one thoughts raced through her head. There were so many reasons to stay away, but there were just as many reasons to run over there. So why had it been over two weeks since she’d even thought about talking to him? She’d been far too cautious in the hallway. Checking and re-checking that he wouldn’t be there when she walked by his door. Not that he left his apartment every day for the hell of it. Granted, she hadn’t left on the greatest note last time. No matter what the reason, all signs pointed to avoidance. With a strained sigh, her eyes closed and her grip on the cool metal loosened. Her nerve was slipping already. It had been the same scene every night since it had all happened. Danni Azrael was usually a magnet for confrontation. She was also a magnet, it seemed, for the worst kind of relationships. Between friends that abandoned her, boyfriends that cheated, and best friends that deemed it necessary to just come out with their true feelings, she hadn’t had many successful relationships in her life. As her hand fell from the door knob, her head shook and her feet weakly carried her back to the kitchen. Disappointment in herself had always come easily, but this was a new low. Even for Danni. How could she do this to herself… and him?
Jumping up and sitting on her counter, which had become almost like a permanent perch, Danni stared at the wall the two had shared for as long as he’d lived there. Her head fell into her hands as her internal monologue ran mad. Well why not?! It’s not as if he’s going to slam the door in your face if you go say hi. Who are you kidding? You’re probably the last person on the planet that he wants to see. He says “I lov-“ Her head spun around as she heard a noise on the other side of the room. When the source wasn’t found, she blamed a branch on the window. Thankful for the interruption in her thoughts, Danni’s eyes scanned the wall for some sort of sign of encouragement. Nothing. The blank space stared right back at her in an almost mocking manner. As she lightly bit her lip, yet another sigh picked up her shoulders and let them fall back down. With thoughts running rampant, they settled on the last visit she’d made over to his apartment. It had all started innocent enough at least she thought it had. The more she toiled over that night, the more she realized that it had only been a matter of time before one of them said something. At this point she had made herself more comfortable on her counter, but that did nothing to lessen the fact that she had to go see him.
And that was the other thing. Why couldn’t she say his name anymore? Not even to herself or in her head, let alone out loud. It was as though simply thinking him name would make her break down like she had in his apartment. So now that you’ve lost one of the only friends you’ve got around here, what’ll you do? Spend all your time locked away in here or over at work? Pathetic if you ask me. Nodding to herself, Danni pushed off the counter and straightened her jeans. If it killed her, she was going to prove her mocking brain wrong. There was one big obstacle in her way though. The door. Standing in front of it, her five foot five frame felt about three feet tall. It was amazing how one simple object could cause so much trouble in her life. Stepping up to it, Danni put her hand on the door knob once more. This time her eyes closed and as her mind cleared, the door seemed to open on its own.
Stepping into the hallway, everything seemed to change. The imaginary confidence she’d had just a moment ago abandoned her for the comfort of her own room. But Danni was better than that. She was not the heartless bitch people assumed she was. She could prove it to. Very simply at that. Taking a deep breath Danni shut her door and looked over to his door. It was not that far a walk. She passed by his door every morning as she went to work. HA! Who was she kidding? It may have only been a few feet or a couple meters, but it may as well have been a mile. Glued. She was glued to the spot and just could not bring herself to move. Of course, that had no effect on the one thought that was burning into her mind. If you’re waiting for the self conscious, tall, fool to come talk to you, you’ll be waiting until you die. You’ve made it this far, just take those few extra strides and deal with the mess you helped create. It’s all you can really do at this point. She’d always hated when her mind played the role of “rational.” Looking around the empty hallway, four simple words passed her lips. “I can do this.”
Of course, it was all easier said than done. Who would have thought that it would ever take so much effort for Danni to make the short trip that she had made practically every night since he’d moved in next door. Keeping herself calm and level headed, she tried to ignore the events of the past and treated this as just another night. Nothing would ever be the same as it used to be, but she was allowed to lie to herself if it got her to go over there, right? Of course. That was just the way things worked. So as the lies kept slipping out of her mind, only to curl back in, she slowly made her way over to his door. Suddenly this seemed like a simple enough task that she could handle. Her feet moved slowly, but deliberately. This was something she could lie herself through. At least until he opened the door and, most likely, shut it again in her face.
One deep breath and her eyes were locked on his door. Her hand rose meekly and seemed suspended in the air. Poised. Waiting to knock. Eyes closed, Danni reached out and let her knuckles connect with his door two or three times before stopping. It took every ounce of her willpower not to take off running and escape back into the comfort of her own apartment. In fact, the anticipation was killing her. With her stomach in knots, she couldn’t quite remember why she’d decided this was a good idea in the first place. Her breaths were short, quick, an uneven. Once that door opened, things weren’t going to be like they used to, but she was damn sure going to try. Without much though, her mouth opened. And, shockingly, words actually formed and came out. “Logan Cale. If you’re awake, it’s me.” Her voice sounded pathetic. If he’d been sleeping, she’d never forgive herself for waking him, but not sleeping was one thing the two of them had in common for very different reasons.
Joined: Apr 2007 Gender: Male Posts: 72 Location: In the Ghetto Karma: 3
Re: Immersed In His Trappings of Luxury [Danni] « Reply #2 on Dec 31, 2007, 9:09pm »
The annoying burning sensation that builds up in a person's eyes due to lack of sleep was starting to feel comforting to him. No matter how tightly he forced his eyelids shut, it only seemed to make it worse and frankly he didn't care. He had practically became an expert at just ignoring it. Well, not really ignore it in a sense, but simply push it to the side and forget about it. Today though, he sort of gave up trying. He gave up pushing petty little things to the back of his mind, after all there was only so much he could move to the back before it got a bit too crowded in there. Most of the things he had pushed to the back weren't a problem anymore, some things had taken care of themselves, while others still needed attending to. Trying to remember exactly what those things were was half the battle. Okay maybe battle was stretching it a bit, then again most things came difficult to him these days. Opening his door to retrieve his mail had become such a difficult task to perform that he just gave up. In his opinion if someone had something rather important to tell him, they'd come talk to him in person, not send him something in the mail. But that wasn't really the point.
Over the past week, Logan had actually achieved something he never really knew he could. For instance, he tested himself. For a day and a half, he blind-folded himself to see how well he knew his apartment. Logan successful, of course, which brought to his attention that he had to get out more, either that or move to a new apartment. He went with neither so, it didn't make as much of an impact of him as he thought it might. Over the course of three days, Logan refused to use his thumbs for any of his daily activities. That didn't end nearly as well as the blind-fold. There wasn't really much fun you could have in an apartment by yourself especially if you didn't really want to do anything. The most difficult task he attempted was keep his hands behind his back for two days without being able to use them at all. Which, by the way, ended rather, actually, very badly. But now with his ability to see, use his thumbs and use his arms all he wanted to do was find any type of way to clear his head. Now for anyone in the drug dealing business could easily suggest and give him multiple ways to go about this task but, Logan preferred a more "clean" way, he just didn't know what it was yet.
Exhaling deeply, his burning eyes seemed to ease behind his closed eyelids. For once in a long time, he felt relaxed and his couch felt more like a bed then a couch. He was comfortable to say the least. Comfortable was rarely used to describe Logan since not situation made his feel comfortable, at all. But, now he was in fact, absolutely, positively, comfortable. Without any trace of drugs, his mind was clearing. God dammit, Logan was having an epiphany. There was only way that this problem could be solved. Well, no, there were many ways, but there was only one reasonable way, that as much as it killed him inside, he'd have to do sooner or later. Logan would like to think that the only thing stopping him was his stubbornness and his inability to fix any type of problem, but believe it or not, it was more complicated than that. To complicated actually for someone like Logan to put into words that even he could understand. This was a very big moment for him. Epiphany's weren't really something he came across everyday, everything usually just came easy and quickly to him. Forcing himself to open his eyes, Logan let out a sigh at his new found thinking. He removed his arms from behind his head and sat himself up from the couch. Of course, the one time that he could easily have fallen asleep, he had to go and have an epiphany. He had to finally understand what the hell was going on. You were so close. What? You couldn't have waited to have your big realization after you woke up? You're pathetic. With one part of him leaning towards the opinion of his mind and his other part wanting to do something, Logan was torn and rather confused.
As soon as he swung his legs off the couch and placed the on the floor, a rather unfamiliar sound of knocking came to him. It was strange how he actually had to stop and think of the possibilities of what it might be before he realized it was his door. Just what he needed, someone at his door right when he was about to try and talk to her. With a low groan of frustration, Logan pushed himself up off the couch, once again feeling a slight light-headedness as he did. Catching his balance, Logan opened his mouth to reply to the knocking which would be the first attempt of communication to "the outside world" in almost a week or longer. His attempt to speak was thwarted by the voice of the person his door. Okay, see you should've slept, she beat you to it. Ignoring his thoughts, he had the strangest urge to ask "Me who?" But he restrained himself and didn't figuring it this probably wasn't a very appropriate time for jokes. Now with the knowledge of his "knocker", Logan's courage that was once present only a few seconds ago was now drained. Maybe perhaps he should've asked "me who?" while his courage was still high, it probably would've worked. Then again, if it didn't it would've made him look like an idiot and/or a jerk. Most likely both.
Logan cleared his throat and looked over at his door. He knew of course that his door was unlocked and that he could've easily just invited her in without moving from the spot but, no this was a special occasion. Rubbing a hand along his chin, Logan looked around his apartment in a rather nervous way. Ruffling his hands with his hair, Logan shook his head rather quickly before adjusting the sleeves of his shirt. He had to look as if he was about to do something or atleast attempt to do something. Logan exhaled and inhaled deeply before making his way towards his door. God, you're acting like you're walking to your death. He disagree though, if he ever did walk to his death, it would probably be very calm. Stopping in front of his destination, Logan rapidly shook his hands, hoping to get any jittery, nervous feelings out of him. Of course it didn't work but it kind of made him feel better.Wiggling his fingers one last time before he took hold of the door knob, he cleared his throat and pulled it open. Parting his lips to talk, nothing really seemed to come out for a few seconds. "Uh...... hey." He finally managed to form a greeting, sort of. Well, atleast he got that out of the way. Before even realizing that he wanted to talk, he started talking. "I...uh...um.. I was actually.. just uh... about to come...uh see you................ Actually, that's.. that's a lie. I was debating whether or I not I should, well more wanted to...but uh.. you beat me to it. And now... I'm standing here... talking and I don't know why." Logan mouth felt dry which made it atleast ten times harder to form words then even speak them. His throat seemed hoarse and he wonder if it showed in his voice, since he wasn't paying any attention to himself just then as he was speaking.
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